Moms with Teens

susankl
Advice Needed: My daughter is not being honest with her therapist about...
by susankl
October 4, 2012 at 1:17 PM

My daughter is not being honest with her therapist about what's going on with her. She doesn't talk with me or her dad either. I don't know what else to do. Any advice?

Replies

  • bizzeemom2717
    October 4, 2012 at 1:36 PM

     Have you been able to talk with the therapist and explain that she's not being honest?

  • fantasticfour
    October 4, 2012 at 2:22 PM

    Perhaps you should explain to the therapist what's going on.

  • Barabell
    October 4, 2012 at 3:23 PM

    I agree about talking with the therapist.

    I am curious. If feel she is not talking to you, then how do you know she's lying to the therapist? Is she lying about her home life?

  • susankl
    by susankl
    October 4, 2012 at 6:53 PM

    I know that she lies because I constantly find things that she writes and it's all stuff that she denies when we ask her about it.

  • Barabell
    October 4, 2012 at 7:25 PM

    Can you show those writings to her therapist?

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    October 4, 2012 at 7:54 PM
    See if you can have a joint session or one with just you?
  • susankl
    by susankl
    October 5, 2012 at 10:51 AM

    I've had sessions with her one on one for myself. Me and my husband have had sessions with her about Katelyn.  Katelyn tells people what they want to hear.  Evidently  her counselor and her Psychiatrist are telling her that we have "traditional" values that she just has to put up with for 2 more then she can make her own decisions.  Our "traditional" values are that we don't believe that being gay is right and we don't want her involved with people who are.  That happens to be her entire group of friends that she hangs out with.  


  • susankl
    by susankl
    October 5, 2012 at 10:53 AM

    we told her about them. She probably talked with Katelyn and Katelyn lied about what it really meant.  That's what she does!!!!!  This has been going on for over a year

  • BrennaLyons
    October 5, 2012 at 10:58 AM

    Family counseling? I mean, you can't FORCE her to be honest with the therapist, but the therapist might be able to get a better feel for what's going on with her by talking to the other family members. I don't know what else to suggest.

    Good luck.

  • BrennaLyons
    October 5, 2012 at 11:15 AM

    No offense, but let me see if I have this right. You are sending your daughter to therapy, because she has friends who are gay? Or perhaps because she's lesbian or bi herself? Sorry, but therapy will not change that, and what the therapists are telling her is perfectly in line with what they can realistically say to her. Even many of the ex-gay ministries have backed away from the idea of converting gay and lesbian people to straight in the last few years. Any responsible therapist won't try to change sexual preferences, and if they perceive her friends are a support network she would feel lost without, they are unlikely to take that away either, because that leads to teen suicide. They'll try and get her to deal with you and talk to you.

    Much as you might not want to hear this, you're setting yourself up to lose your daughter. If you don't accept what she is or who her friends are, and she's already lying to you to avoid the confrontations, there is a breaking point. The fact that she's lying to you and continuing to see her friends means that you will almost definitely be on the losing side of this battle. The fact that her therapist feels the need to remind her she has to put up with your values for a couple of years means she's already decided that she won't be following them when she legally has a choice in how to live her life.

    Your values will not necessarily be her values. I'm not arguing whether yours are better or worse than hers are. I'm talking human nature here. She is 16. She is making decisions which will lead her into adulthood. You cannot CONTROL those choices entirely. Not at this age. You can keep bringing the hammer down, and she's going to keep fighting it.

    Know what comes of that? Not talking to your parent for 26 years of your life after being legally allowed to run away from home at 18. That is my life, at this moment. It's an apt description of it. Just for your information...I don't regret not speaking to my BM for that long. I don't know if she regrets the fact that all her kids hate her or not. My brother makes occasional inroads toward trying to deal with her, but it never lasts long, because no matter how she feels about it, she still hasn't learned a lesson about where it gets her.

    Knowing this information, I really feel family therapy is a good thing. It may be the only way you learn to communicate effectively with your child.

    Quoting susankl:

    I've had sessions with her one on one for myself. Me and my husband have had sessions with her about Katelyn.  Katelyn tells people what they want to hear.  Evidently  her counselor and her Psychiatrist are telling her that we have "traditional" values that she just has to put up with for 2 more then she can make her own decisions.  Our "traditional" values are that we don't believe that being gay is right and we don't want her involved with people who are.  That happens to be her entire group of friends that she hangs out with.  



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