Moms with Teens

my4littlegirls
Would you let your 16 yr old dd date a 19 year old?
September 6, 2012 at 9:32 AM

Just curious because my dd thinks she should be able to date a 19 yr old who just graduated high school.

Would you let your 16 yr old dd date a 19 yr old?
  • Only group members can vote in this poll.
  1. 17% - yes
  2. 71% - no
  3. 11% - other (please explain)

Replies

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    September 7, 2012 at 10:51 AM
    Most I know, the 16 yo is a Jr in hs and the 19 yo is a sophomore in college. How ever you cut it, it is a large age gap.


    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Well I would be okay with it, if the said male was still in HS and so was the said female.  You can have a 19yr old senior and a 16yr old junior depending on when their birthdays fall.  So sometimes it is perfectly fine imo.  However, if the girl is in HS and boy graduated already then no I am not okay with it. 

    Quoting atlmom2:

    Even if its legal it doesn't make it right.





    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Actually at 16 it  isn't illegal.  They are of consenting age at 16 regardless of the age of the male at that point at least in my state they are.

    Quoting kirbymom:

    I would say no. First of all, it is illegal. I would not want anyone being charged with statatory rape if I could prevent that kind of a situation.  Second, a I am not comfortable with a person who is supposed to be done with the high school scene and moving up in the world towards college and work and making their life about finding a career and getting themselves situated as a functioning adult and then turning around and heading back to where they just headed away from. We are supposed to be going forward in our life's adventures. And I know that a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old are going to be on the same page in life. Why would we parents add to what amounts to two people who think differently and by al rights should, because of the direction each one is taking in their respective lives. That is, imho, asking for trouble. Trouble that could be prevented from ever even happening. 






  • fullxbusymom
    September 7, 2012 at 11:01 AM

    Here the general ages are:

    14-15yrs old - Freshman in HS

    15-16yrs old - Sophomore HS

    16-17yrs old - Junior HS

    17-18yrs old - Senior HS.

    However, if you repeat a grade you will be 19yrs graduting HS and if you make the cut off by only a few days like my 13yr old does.  You will be on the younger end as he is 13yrs old as a Freshman.  So he will graduate at 17 where 95% of the graduates will be at least 18. 

    Quoting atlmom2:

    Most I know, the 16 yo is a Jr in hs and the 19 yo is a sophomore in college. How ever you cut it, it is a large age gap.


    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Well I would be okay with it, if the said male was still in HS and so was the said female.  You can have a 19yr old senior and a 16yr old junior depending on when their birthdays fall.  So sometimes it is perfectly fine imo.  However, if the girl is in HS and boy graduated already then no I am not okay with it. 

    Quoting atlmom2:

    Even if its legal it doesn't make it right.





    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Actually at 16 it  isn't illegal.  They are of consenting age at 16 regardless of the age of the male at that point at least in my state they are.

    Quoting kirbymom:

    I would say no. First of all, it is illegal. I would not want anyone being charged with statatory rape if I could prevent that kind of a situation.  Second, a I am not comfortable with a person who is supposed to be done with the high school scene and moving up in the world towards college and work and making their life about finding a career and getting themselves situated as a functioning adult and then turning around and heading back to where they just headed away from. We are supposed to be going forward in our life's adventures. And I know that a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old are going to be on the same page in life. Why would we parents add to what amounts to two people who think differently and by al rights should, because of the direction each one is taking in their respective lives. That is, imho, asking for trouble. Trouble that could be prevented from ever even happening. 







  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    September 7, 2012 at 11:05 AM
    How many really repeat a grade? The majority are the grades I said. My dd's were sophomores as 16, January and May. 19 as freshman/ sophomore in college. To me, what does an adult want with a younger hs girl? 1 year difference, ok.


    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Here the general ages are:

    14-15yrs old - Freshman in HS

    15-16yrs old - Sophomore HS

    16-17yrs old - Junior HS

    17-18yrs old - Senior HS.

    However, if you repeat a grade you will be 19yrs graduting HS and if you make the cut off by only a few days like my 13yr old does.  You will be on the younger end as he is 13yrs old as a Freshman.  So he will graduate at 17 where 95% of the graduates will be at least 18. 

    Quoting atlmom2:

    Most I know, the 16 yo is a Jr in hs and the 19 yo is a sophomore in college. How ever you cut it, it is a large age gap.





    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Well I would be okay with it, if the said male was still in HS and so was the said female.  You can have a 19yr old senior and a 16yr old junior depending on when their birthdays fall.  So sometimes it is perfectly fine imo.  However, if the girl is in HS and boy graduated already then no I am not okay with it. 

    Quoting atlmom2:

    Even if its legal it doesn't make it right.








    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Actually at 16 it  isn't illegal.  They are of consenting age at 16 regardless of the age of the male at that point at least in my state they are.

    Quoting kirbymom:

    I would say no. First of all, it is illegal. I would not want anyone being charged with statatory rape if I could prevent that kind of a situation.  Second, a I am not comfortable with a person who is supposed to be done with the high school scene and moving up in the world towards college and work and making their life about finding a career and getting themselves situated as a functioning adult and then turning around and heading back to where they just headed away from. We are supposed to be going forward in our life's adventures. And I know that a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old are going to be on the same page in life. Why would we parents add to what amounts to two people who think differently and by al rights should, because of the direction each one is taking in their respective lives. That is, imho, asking for trouble. Trouble that could be prevented from ever even happening. 










  • cat4458
    by cat4458
    September 7, 2012 at 11:07 AM

    I agree.  It happened to me when I was 17 and my parents let me date a boy in college & that's when I started to drink, have sex, etc.  I wish my parents would have said no, and the legal age was 21 back then.

    Quoting kirbymom:

    I would say no. First of all, it is illegal. I would not want anyone being charged with statatory rape if I could prevent that kind of a situation.  Second, a I am not comfortable with a person who is supposed to be done with the high school scene and moving up in the world towards college and work and making their life about finding a career and getting themselves situated as a functioning adult and then turning around and heading back to where they just headed away from. We are supposed to be going forward in our life's adventures. And I know that a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old are going to be on the same page in life. Why would we parents add to what amounts to two people who think differently and by al rights should, because of the direction each one is taking in their respective lives. That is, imho, asking for trouble. Trouble that could be prevented from ever even happening. 


  • PurpleHazey
    September 7, 2012 at 12:43 PM

    There just isn't enough info!

  • kirbymom
    September 7, 2012 at 2:18 PM

    Okay, yes, you are right. I looked it up. But, just because it is legal, doesn't mean its right. For the same reasons I already mentioned. (highlighted)

    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Actually at 16 it  isn't illegal.  They are of consenting age at 16 regardless of the age of the male at that point at least in my state they are.

    Quoting kirbymom:

    I would say no. First of all, it is illegal. I would not want anyone being charged with statatory rape if I could prevent that kind of a situation.  Second, a I am not comfortable with a person who is supposed to be done with the high school scene and moving up in the world towards college and work and making their life about finding a career and getting themselves situated as a functioning adult and then turning around and heading back to where they just headed away from. We are supposed to be going forward in our life's adventures. And I know that a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old are not going to be on the same page in life. Why would we parents add to what amounts to two people who think differently and by al rights should, because of the direction each one is taking in their respective lives. That is, imho, asking for trouble. Trouble that could be prevented from ever even happening. 


    I am just not seeing the value of someone who is advancing forward in years, to going backwards in years. That makes no sense. And this guy is not treating females right which would make this situation all the more dangerous. Legal or not, if my daughter, who is my child , would be seriously hurt by such a person, I would have to hurt someone myself.  Why would I put myself or my child in a place that these decisions would have to be made?  Not Worth It > imho.

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    September 7, 2012 at 2:23 PM
    That is what I say. Age is age. Grades in school don't really matter.


    Quoting atlmom2:

    Most I know, the 16 yo is a Jr in hs and the 19 yo is a sophomore in college. How ever you cut it, it is a large age gap.




    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Well I would be okay with it, if the said male was still in HS and so was the said female.  You can have a 19yr old senior and a 16yr old junior depending on when their birthdays fall.  So sometimes it is perfectly fine imo.  However, if the girl is in HS and boy graduated already then no I am not okay with it. 

    Quoting atlmom2:

    Even if its legal it doesn't make it right.








    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Actually at 16 it  isn't illegal.  They are of consenting age at 16 regardless of the age of the male at that point at least in my state they are.

    Quoting kirbymom:

    I would say no. First of all, it is illegal. I would not want anyone being charged with statatory rape if I could prevent that kind of a situation.  Second, a I am not comfortable with a person who is supposed to be done with the high school scene and moving up in the world towards college and work and making their life about finding a career and getting themselves situated as a functioning adult and then turning around and heading back to where they just headed away from. We are supposed to be going forward in our life's adventures. And I know that a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old are going to be on the same page in life. Why would we parents add to what amounts to two people who think differently and by al rights should, because of the direction each one is taking in their respective lives. That is, imho, asking for trouble. Trouble that could be prevented from ever even happening. 








  • kirbymom
    September 7, 2012 at 2:37 PM

    That is exactly what I am talking about.  My 16 yr old thinks she is soooo smart and responsible and old enough to make her own decisions, without the aid of her parents, now that she is 16. She doesn't realize that she still has the mentality of her 16 yr old brain. No matter how mature she is at 16.  True maturity not only comes with age, but experience as well.  And frankly, I don't think that at 16, you have the same outlook as someone who is older. Unless of course that older person is a real dunce.  Oops. Sorry if I went preachy on you. Definitely wasn't my intention. :)  

    Quoting cat4458:

    I agree.  It happened to me when I was 17 and my parents let me date a boy in college & that's when I started to drink, have sex, etc.  I wish my parents would have said no, and the legal age was 21 back then.

    Quoting kirbymom:

    I would say no. First of all, it is illegal. I would not want anyone being charged with statatory rape if I could prevent that kind of a situation.  Second, a I am not comfortable with a person who is supposed to be done with the high school scene and moving up in the world towards college and work and making their life about finding a career and getting themselves situated as a functioning adult and then turning around and heading back to where they just headed away from. We are supposed to be going forward in our life's adventures. And I know that a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old are going to be on the same page in life. Why would we parents add to what amounts to two people who think differently and by al rights should, because of the direction each one is taking in their respective lives. That is, imho, asking for trouble. Trouble that could be prevented from ever even happening. 



  • FindersKeepers
    September 7, 2012 at 3:37 PM

    What if she will be 17 next month and he turned 19 two days ago?      What if she is a 17yo college student?   What if he is a 19yo senior in high school? 

    Your comments is pretty black and white.   There could be some grey area in this age group.

    Quoting missybest:

    No way!  There is not a 16 year old alive who is emotionally prepared to date a 19 year old.  What are you thinking?  She is also a minor with an adult, so to speak.  If they have sex, which is what is being set up here, he could face rape charges being with a minor.  You are the adult and BOTH your very young daughter and this very young "adult" need to be protected.


  • FindersKeepers
    September 7, 2012 at 3:41 PM

    I agree with this.   I have two cousins who are seniors in high school.... one is a 16 yo.  She won't be 17 until Nov and is just young for her grade.  The other is 19 and was held back a year because he had undiagnosed dyslexia.   Once they got that figured out, he was fine.

    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Here the general ages are:

    14-15yrs old - Freshman in HS

    15-16yrs old - Sophomore HS

    16-17yrs old - Junior HS

    17-18yrs old - Senior HS.

    However, if you repeat a grade you will be 19yrs graduting HS and if you make the cut off by only a few days like my 13yr old does.  You will be on the younger end as he is 13yrs old as a Freshman.  So he will graduate at 17 where 95% of the graduates will be at least 18. 

    Quoting atlmom2:

    Most I know, the 16 yo is a Jr in hs and the 19 yo is a sophomore in college. How ever you cut it, it is a large age gap.


    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Well I would be okay with it, if the said male was still in HS and so was the said female.  You can have a 19yr old senior and a 16yr old junior depending on when their birthdays fall.  So sometimes it is perfectly fine imo.  However, if the girl is in HS and boy graduated already then no I am not okay with it. 

    Quoting atlmom2:

    Even if its legal it doesn't make it right.





    Quoting fullxbusymom:

    Actually at 16 it  isn't illegal.  They are of consenting age at 16 regardless of the age of the male at that point at least in my state they are.

    Quoting kirbymom:

    I would say no. First of all, it is illegal. I would not want anyone being charged with statatory rape if I could prevent that kind of a situation.  Second, a I am not comfortable with a person who is supposed to be done with the high school scene and moving up in the world towards college and work and making their life about finding a career and getting themselves situated as a functioning adult and then turning around and heading back to where they just headed away from. We are supposed to be going forward in our life's adventures. And I know that a 19 yr old and a 16 yr old are going to be on the same page in life. Why would we parents add to what amounts to two people who think differently and by al rights should, because of the direction each one is taking in their respective lives. That is, imho, asking for trouble. Trouble that could be prevented from ever even happening. 








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