Moms with Teens

Shea1967
We are their parents NOT their friends
June 23, 2012 at 6:09 PM
I keep wondering when parents are going to wake up. Why do kids get to decide what they get to do and what their punishment will be? I know I didn't. My parents let us know the rules right off and what would happen if we broke them. Also they told us don't be using that, "my friends parents......." because they didn't want to hear it. Have read many a post where I wonder WHAT THE HELL are the parents doing? This is just my thoughts.

Replies

  • atlmom2
    by atlmom2
    June 23, 2012 at 6:41 PM

    Every kid I know that parents we or are their friends, have screwed up kids.  It never works.  Sad today there is way more than there used to be. 

  • luckysevenwow
    June 23, 2012 at 6:42 PM

    You can be a friend and a parent, but you need to but the parenting hat on when it comes to consequences and rules. I think that a lot of it is many parents just don't know how to parent. It's not that they don't want to, they just lack the skills.

  • boys2men2soon
    June 23, 2012 at 8:23 PM

    I tell my sons' that friends will come and go throughout life.   I'm the only Mother they will ever have....and I will be here til the end.

    I think a lot of parents are kinda afraid of their kids.  They don't want to make them mad or stress them out.   I sorta get it; there are many more teens with anxiety and depression than I remember from my day.  When I was a teen, most parents just said "you'll get over it"...and we did.     Nowadays, the kids end up in therapy.

  • fantasticfour
    June 23, 2012 at 8:27 PM

    Amen!  I'll be my kid's friends when they have kids lol.

  • boysmom5
    June 23, 2012 at 8:32 PM
    My kids have plenty of friends, they don't need me to be a friend. My job is too love and take care of them and teach them how to be healthy, functioning, successful members of society.
  • DAHLONEGAMOMMY
    June 23, 2012 at 8:36 PM

    I totally agree. That is one of the biggest mistakes parents make. They want to be their child's friend and then get upset when their child doesnt listen to them when they attempt to be a disciplinarian. Friends tell them what they want to hear. Parents tell them the truth. I am friendly with my kids and they talk to me. However, I have told them outright that I am their parent, not their friend. I dont tell my kids what they want to hear and I dont blur the line between doing what is best for my child and being a friend. I know I have to tell my kid no and they know I will be honest with them, no matter what. They know I am their biggest fan, strongest supporter, and person who loves them unconditionally. I will always be there for them and there is nothing they could do to make me turn my back on them. I will not, however, allow them to behave disrespectfully, disobey me, nor live without responsibilities. I make no excuses for that and I dont debate my rules. They know what is expected and what consequences are in effect should they choose to fail to meet those expectations. I dont care if they like any of it. They dont have to like it, just do it. In return, I am always there for them and love them with every fiber of my being. I know that being a parent means I may have to say no, even when I dont want to. My job is not to do what my child wants but to do what he needs. I make no apologies for that and never will. I look forward to a day when I can be friends with my children but I know that cannot happen as long as I am in a position of having to be responsible for them and may have to be the authoritarian. I do no justice to my child nor myself by blurring that line between parent and child. 

  • drfink
    by drfink
    June 23, 2012 at 8:54 PM


    Quoting boys2men2soon:

    I tell my sons' that friends will come and go throughout life.   I'm the only Mother they will ever have....and I will be here til the end.


    Exactly what I say.


  • Cuddle_bugmomma
    June 23, 2012 at 9:33 PM

    I tell my girls that we have all the time in the world to be friends when they are grown up and on their own.  

  • DarlaHood
    June 24, 2012 at 12:58 AM

    I agree.  I always told my girls that they would have lots of friends throughout their lives, but only 1 mother.  And if I didn't do my job as a mom, they would resent me later and come back and want to know why I didn't take care of my responsibilities toward them.  I saw this saying posted on fb a while back:  

    My promise to my children -- I am your parent 1st, your friend 2nd.  I will stalk you, flip out on you, lecture you, drive you insane, and be your worst nightmare and hunt you down like a bloodhound when needed because I LOVE YOU!  When you understant that, I will know you are a responsible adult.  You will NEVER find someone who loves, prays, cares, & worries about you more than I do!  If you don't hate me once in your life, I am not doing my job properly!

  • fammatthews4
    June 24, 2012 at 5:44 AM
    In my opinion you can be both. Think about what a friend is. To me a friend is someone you enjoy being around and having fun with. We have that with our kids. We all enjoy hanging out and doing things together, they do things with their friends too but they spend time with us as well without grumbling. A friend is also someone you talk to when you have a problem and need advise/ guidance on something. Our kids come and talk to us, ask our advise and listen to our opinions. Being a parent means you have rules and there are consequences if the rules are broken. You don't worry about making them mad by enforcing the rules. I do this too.
    So yes I do believe you can be both, there is a balance and it's possible to find it.

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